a letter’s soul

the night is cold, the room is filled with pieces of papers scattered all over the table and the floor. looking out the window, the moon shines ever so brilliant, as clouds pass by its gleaming beauty. at the table, scribbles of countless phrases, words, and thoughts are marked on paper, but none of these doesn’t fit to describe the gravity of emotion the writer wants to convey, always contemplating deeply and considering every word and consequences it may bring. and alas the time has come to put it into writing .

” i don’t really know how to start or how i can describe it to you personally. when we are together my mind is at a constant panic at the same time i am thinking of ways to charm you, sometimes i could not fully understand what i’m trying to say or do, as i am completely in a bliss when I’m with you. these memories of us together keep on flashing in my mind, those words of yours still lingering and clear when you said we can no longer be together, and in truth a part of me could still not accept the fact that you have chosen someone else. i tried bracing myself from pain and shock, but still my emotions was caught unprepared and all i could do was just display a facade to hide. i have always feared that someday this happiness would end, and my fear grew even more whenever i think that i’m losing you to someone else. and when you have finally decided, feelings came pouring down as my heart bleeds from its wound, i know after this things would never be the same. i keep on wishing that i should have prevented it from happening, i keep asking myself “why did i let this happen”, it frustrates me to know how powerless i am , if only i was just Selfish enough and demanded we’d be together then Maybe!, Just Maybe we could be together as a couple.

i fully understand the circumstances we are in, that i am just temporary, and all of the risk it involves, that i don’t have any right to be jealous or demand time and attention, sometimes i do not know what am I to you, if im a lover or a friend. at times i’d be jealous when your with someone else, but i try to control all the feelings of anxiety and put my trust in you, sometimes i find myself wishing for you to “please be mine”, yet i dont want to influence nor interfere with your decision, that i wanted you to be fair and decide your own choice.

those 62 days that i have spent with you since Autumn of 22, was the happiest days that i have ever had, and until now i can still hear your voice whispering, your laughs and cries , the walks that we took together, your calls , your hugs and your kisses and truthfully until now i crave for your attention, your time, your love and your affection. my emotions may no longer matter by the time you have read this, and as i confess this to you, i wanted to let you know that i do cherish and love you, even if things have changed. i do not expect of anything in return, you have my deepest gratitude for being a part of this wonderful tale you have shared with me that i will never forget.”

with shivering hands the writer puts down his pen, re-reading for errors and after a few dozen crumpled pieces of paper, the writer said ” Finally !”. his pen rest along with the scattered pieces, through different colors and hue’s  he reached for an envelop layered with purple linings and engraved letters in gold  saying ” to my fallen angel” ,  as he sealed his thoughts through this fragile container, his hopes of delivering this treasure, a mere memory that one day  it would reach its recipients soul.

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