Birthday’s

its now 12 midnight , i can hear the wind saying “its your birthday today” , in my mind all i can think off was ” here’s another year that adds up to your age”, tsk tsk tsk”,

i cant help feeling that this day is no longer special to me, probably due to the recent events that happened, i only feel a small ounce of happiness, and the rest is pure depression,

i find it hard to stay happy these past few months , while my birthday was coming closer and closer, i cant help remembering my times with jena again, i can still remember the scene clearly in my head swirling , repeating the same scenes over and over again , trying to bring back that Level Of happiness

that my heart felt before, the contentment and satisfaction her presence brings, but it was a year ago my mind knew i was just trying in vain , i cant bring it back no matter how i wish it.

————————————————————————————————————

i can still remember that night, I heard a knock on the door, as i was rushing through the door still holding spoon and oven mitts, i was just finishing tasting the dish i was preparing, as i opened the door i heard a familiar Giggle, i knew who it was it immediately,

“Hello, Happy Birthday Jes” she said in her usual cheerful voice

a small cheezy feeling started to build up before my stomach and it kinda felt like a spark, seeing her smile with cheerful expression , the blond hair waving

behind her the bright colored dress she’s wearing

“Hi Jen , sayo-ha ninyo ui…!, pasensya na , wala pa ko kahuman luto”( Hi Jen, your a bit early!,Sorry i haven’t finished cooking yet)

as i showed them to their seats, she was the first guest to arrive along with a friend walking just behind her, i was still preparing the food yet i couldn’t help staring, though i try my best for her not to notice, she was so gorgeous that night

Guest came in pouring after and exchanged conversations and laughs , most of my guest were office mates She was one of them , everybody got along well, as the food and celebration started , everybody digged in on what I’ve prepared personally , along with my mom’s spaghetti( my personal favorite),

I was proud of myself as it was the first party that i hosted on my own .

after a few drinks everybody left , except her , i was worried that she might get in trouble or something might happen to her on the way , i invited her to stay instead, the night progressed we got a few drinks and talked for a while , suddenly by surprise she just cried, i tried to comfort her , i don’t know what

the reason was but it broke my heart seeing her that way , i could only assume that she had a fight with her Boyfriend at that time, I tried to ask her what happened, but all she could tell me was

“sakit kaayo”(it hurts) as her tears flows through her face and gentle sob fill’s my ears

i hugged her tightly not minding the people around and wipe her tears off, she calmed down after and rested , I keep thinking to myself ” if only she was my girl,” i know she already have a boyfriend yet i thought i could still have a chance, however i cant because i knew i don’t have any right to get in her way, i thought “besides its against my principles to just barge in and break others relationship“, i have never felt this happy with someone before not since

with my girlfriend. she fell asleep on my shoulders, i carried her to my room and set her on my bed, she was so out of it that i didn’t bothered to wake herup to get to sleep properly.

my mind was arguing with each other this time, the inner demons are starting to take over, i was drunk, there she was lying on my bed i thought to my self

should i kiss her or more ?” as i sat beside her caressing her hair

but no i decided not to ,

its inappropriate I’m a gentle man for god’s sake” i told myself,

seems i still have control over my self beside why would i do that , i know my sister on the other room it would be awkward knowing that fact, and that would make me a criminal, i mustered all the self control i can grab and moved away from her and settled on the floor instead, she was so calm this time i can see that she is completely at peace, i can still smell her perfume on my shirt , it was mild it reminds me of sunny days and her cheerful attitude,

early morning came , i felt someone was tugging my shirt, when i woke up she was face to face with me that i could feel her breath , i was still drunk and alcohol influenced, when she said to me

“psst Jes, uwi na ako Duty pa”(psst Jes, i need to go home, still have to goon duty) she whispered

“Ok, Samahan kita pauwi” ( OK, let me take you home) i answered , my vision was not that okay but at least i was still in control of myself (heck i even remembered it happening I think)

as i try to stand up , i got out balanced and fell , she was able to catch me , and helped me up(was out balanced and fell i didn’t do it on purpose, Promise ),

she catches me by her shoulders , i can still remember her smell, it was so divine and alluring, it almost provoked me to kiss her. i was still a bit drunk, and

felt my the my head was still heavy as a wrecking ball.

i settled for a moment in her shoulders and picked my self up slowly, i raised my head slowly, my vision was now no where clearer then suddenly i felt a wet and damp sensation in my lips, i though it was just my imagination , i couldn’t believe it myself, She kissed me ( if i remember it right) after that both of us

were frozen, the sensation still lingers on my lips, i tried not mind it but in the back in my mind i keep on repeating the scene.

after a few minutes rest we recovered from the awkward situation that happened earlier, i don’t know if she feels the same way i do , i know this that This

Changes everything, I still cant decide on what to do, in fact i don’t know what to do , i don’t know how to react, how to respond , what i did was i just acted normal, though it was really hard to do , suppressing this kind of feeling , but i pulled it off and keep my cool . no matter how anxious i get, finally we got up and settled in the kitchen to drink hot coffee and choco, to relax a bit and wake my cells completely

as we finished up our coffee, we got up and rushed silently through the door

“tara na baka malate kana ilang oras nlng natira work mo na ” ( lets go,or you’ll be late work starts in a few hours) i said still tugging my head holding it like it was about to break

“dun lang ako banda sa kanto sasakay okay,”(i’ll get a ride just around the corner okay) she said gently

we walked a few hours and reached the corner of the street , it was still empty we had to wait for a Public vehicle to come by, by this time i got curious and want to clarify what happened , i tumbled on what words to say and finally asked her

“yung kanina pagising mo sa akin , hinalikan mo ba ako ?” (when you woke me up earlier, did you kissed me?) i asked

it took a few minutes for her to answer, Probably the question was too awkward to be answered

“wala uy, imagination mo lang un” (no way, its probably just your imagination) she answered

I was not convinced with the answer but i thought its best to leave it that way, for now,

“salamat sa pag punta sa birthday ko” (“thank you for coming on my birthday“) i said cheerfully ” sana makasama ka ulet”(” hope you could come again next time”)

—————————————————————————–

I’ll end the story with a thrill, there are still a lot more to tell, the important thing is that i still remembered this important part of my life, although its not like before having this kind of memory is still worth it, i still miss my days with her until today and i still wish i could spend them again with her, the awkward and sweet moments we have is precious and irreplaceable, my treasure to this date.

I guess i can say that i haven’t completely moved on or gotten over her, to have remembered this and compared it to the situation I’m in , or of what i felt right now and before.

at the moment, all i can say is that, I’ll live to see another day, and still hope for the better, whether we could be together again or not , its entirely up to Fate / Chance

or perhaps Destiny…

Truth is i still feel that little Spark every time i see her the small cheezy feeling , and that keeps me hoping that she’ll once again be mine.

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One response to “Birthday’s

  1. just what i thought… you haven’t moved… it’s obvious… ^_^

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