5 months later

Already been 5 months Since everything Fell apart, all these months I’ve been thinking a lot things about what happened, where things went wrong, what had I done to prevent it from happening, the What If’s  and what could have’s, what should have I done to save everything from falling.

All these past months I tried to keep myself busy just to keep my mind sane at the same time cope up with my current situation it did help a bit but during idle times, I couldn’t just help thinking about her ,about our moments together, How important she was to me, how much I needed her, its as if all these months I was dead, drained out of blood like a  walking puppet,lifeless and hollow who aimlessly walks without direction until it disintegrates to dust, everything was just Empty, I pitied myself a lot on how much of a “LOSER” I am .

Why?

to me she was the most valuable Treasure I had , the Very Happiness that I had not felt in a long time, the one that keeps me going even if I’m at my limit , the ONE and ONLY Source of Inspiration that I have , within the 6 months  We had, it was the time where I was most happy. I know she was happy with me too, I can feel it in her warm embrace, her soft kisses to mine.

In the end I was not able to keep this happiness, due to factors that’s too many to mention that i have to consider, but one things for sure though I did have a chance to take her back I know I have , but I blew it , due to my own insecurities, my own jealousy got the best of me, at that time I was so desperate, I did not know what to do, I thought persistence could help with everything , but I lacked the patience,  I was so desperate that I did know where to start, one move lead to another mistake which eventually lead to destruction .

These past months I could still feel in my chest the hollow feeling in my heart and the worst pain that’s been dragging me to the ground, until now, these feeling hasn’t subsided yet, the funny thing is whenever I see her I still feel this little spark of hope in my heart, I don’t understand why but its there, just a simple glimpse of her smile, hearing her laugh, her distinct voice which echoes to my ears, just her presence makes me happy and contented. For me even if she doesn’t love me like before I’ll continue to love her just like  I always have . Even though she wanted me to move on and find another , what can I do she’s the one that my heart cried for ,  no matter how many ladies I dated I could not feel the spark that I was looking for, she was the only one that made me feel that spark again. And until now she’s the only girl that subsides in my heart. I don’t need any other just Her.

One thing is for sure though, no matter how much I go back to that past, I cannot change what’s happened, but I can still hope that one day I can get her back in my life. And god knows maybe. all I can do is just wait hold on to this feeling as I can, love her, support her,

I know she’s happy right now I can’t erase that fact, though it hurts badly on my side to admit it, but seeing that she’s happy I can live with that thought, I’ll just wait for my chance (if I had any ) , even if I no longer have a chance I will still love her.  She will always have that special place in my heart .

To you my beloved you know who you are

If you’re reading this, thank you for taking time in looking this up, know that I will always love you

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