pain and happiness

everyday before i wake up i have this heavy feeling that i cant get off of me , the feeling of dread and uneasiness, the insecurity of knowing “heres another day without her “, this kind of feeling have been dragging me down for a while ,  sucking out all inspiration and happiness out of me .

july 24 is a gloomy day when it started, i woke up and poke out of the window to check the weather it was very cloudy that day , kinda like what i’m feeling , got up and started my day as usual i was a bit late but i didnt mind , i got on shift just in time for the shift to start, but then i was saddened when i saw both of them together outside the office , it made Jealous yet i cant do anything about , i dont have any right to do so… it hurts when i see them together its like a knife carving slowly through my heart, although she says thier just friends now, but i can see its more than that . i dont if its just me being jealous

the day went fine after that i decided to make paper flowers instead while on shift to get my mind off things and concentrate on other things like work and origami , i tried a few times to talk to her but she seems to be uninsterested in any topic i try to bring up , later on shift i shared with her a small box of peanuts, its really boring in the afternoon where we only have less clients coming to us for help , eating peanuts seems to help getting rid of boredome,  out of the blue she started hitting me and thrown some peanuts at me for whatever reason , i was so happy that i didnt mind the peanuts being thrown at me or the fact that she keeps slapping my face  i was just happy to finally get her attention , she took my hand and held it onto hers , then she laid back her head on my shoulders, i was so mesmerized that the first thing i wanted to do was just hug her and kiss her , but before i could do that our boss just bust in the door and we fixed our selves, i dont know why it happened but i was happy that it did i never thought i’d feel happiness again after witnessing them together ,

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